I stand here, in serene isolation, on the banks of the river that will take me through my new journey, the voyage of solitude. I stand here, and nowhere else, I am where I am. I’m in the moment, present in the now, not in the past, nor in the future. I’ve lived in dreams for long, I don’t want to anymore; I might miss my life.

I’ve spent years distracted, surviving on the dopamine and drama of constant business, of constant presence, of people and plans. I’ve only been uncomfortable, distraught, and consequently incapable of being on my own. I’m not lonely, I’m not sorrowful. I’m only addicted to presence, validation, company, and drama. I’m uncomfortable being alone. I’m not weak, reliant. I’m merely uncomfortable being on my own.

I’m intolerant of spending days in my company, working on my art, polishing it. I find an excuse to search for distraction in people and things. I’ve been running away.

I stand here in peace, serenity, hopeful and joyous. I know what I have to do to break this obsessive chain of negative thoughts, confusing boredom with loneliness, struggle with sorrow. I just have to change how I look at things.

I’m at peace with my company now. I look ahead, not past me. I do not hold onto what is fleeting, transient, or fading. What has passed has served its purpose, and there will always be more to come. Life will not run out of life. I’m joyous, optimistic, and look forward to experiencing more. To drink life to lees.

– ni

“Serene Ecstasy” refers to a state of profound, peaceful joy, often found in spiritual experiences, nature, or art.